UNSTABLE ME

            Growing up is a sure thing of being a human. Also developing. Growing and developing are different, but they go together. We are growing and developing! Growing body, and more mature self. Hmm.. I dont know whether it’s only occur on me or everyone also. I just feel like, in this developing process, especially in this early age, my self is becoming really unstable. Swinging mood, sensitive, and ... mushy. You can imagine, it’s really not comfortable to be this unstable self. So, I tried to make several predictions or hypothesis about what happen on me and in the last I will try to make a conclusion from those predictions.

            For the fisrt consideration, I think it’s happen because of the self revolution, I mean my self is changing from a little girl to a women so the process inside my self makes me unstable. Maybe. Or, the second thing, it’s happened because I’m thinking so many things about my future. Yes, I’m a third year college student, I have to think where will I work and what to do after I graduate. And it’s not that simple to make an important decision, moreover insyaAllah I want to merried directly after I graduated (aamiin), so I have think and prepare more to build my housewifery. Then, the next prediction, okay I think this one is the most thing that destablized me; distance to God. Hiks. I’m so sad to talk about this. But then I realize that latter day, I’m less close to Allah. I dont know why huft, but I’ll always try to be closed to Allah.

            Hmm.. so my conclusion is; this condition is occured because I’m in the phase of building identity and it makes me unstable, moreover the distance from God makes me weaker to face it.

            I am so sorry for you, specially all my classmates who were perhaps lately affected by my swinging mood. I hope you understand <3

(April 2016)